Today I am “Down”

Today has been a rough day.  It is 10:00 at night and I am finally starting to feel better.  I define my mood as “down”.  It feels like I am depressed and am very overwhelmed, yet I am not suffering through a major depressive episode.

So what does it mean to be down?  Last April, of 2016, I was experiencing this and decided to write down what I was feeling at that moment.  Here is my journal entry dated April 7, 2016:

“Down.  That is how I would describe myself today.  There is no reason.  It just happens.  I really don’t know why.  I ask myself why and I don’t really have an answer.  When I’m feeling anxious or nervous there is almost always a reason.  That can be comforting because I am able to help myself.  With this, I don’t have any strategies to get out of it.  So what does “down” mean?  I feel very subdued.  I don’t care about things that need to be done.  I’m very quiet and don’t want to talk to anybody.  I’m mellow and sad at the same time.  This can turn out in one of 2 ways.  The feeling will either dissipate or I will let it drag me down even further.  If it drags me down things can get bad.  I often, in this situation, start crying and have a hard time stopping.  I may become very emotional.  I might start panicking and completely flip out.  This is the worst, because it can hinder me from doing my job.  I have had to leave work and go home many times because of panic.  What is strange is that my mood can change at any moment.  I hope it changes.”

So, why does this happen?  Why is it that today I am down but I will wake up in the morning, hopefully, and feel completely normal again?  One reason is maybe just the nature of the disease.  It may be caused by anxiety or pressure I am putting on myself to get things done.  Today is Sunday, and I always feel a great amount of anxiety on Sunday evenings, the day before I have to go back to work.  I have always had a large amount of anxiety anytime I have a vacation, summer break, or just the weekend.  It has been this way for me since I was a child, and it has not changed as an adult.

One way I try to deal with this on Sunday evenings is to make sure I am as prepared as possible for Monday morning by having as much as I can ready to go for the morning.  This includes having my bags packed, clothes ready, and lunch made.  It just takes away some of that craziness in the morning when I am trying to get out of the house on time.

Another disorder that I have is Premensrtual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD.  I know right now, because of my menstrual cycle, that this is most likely why I am feeling down today.  Here is a link to some of the symptoms that you may experience if you too have PMDD from WebMD.  I experience almost all of these symptoms every month.    

So, if you believe that you have PMDD I would suggest talking to your doctor about your symptoms.

If you are having a rough day, like I did today, I would like to suggest doing something for yourself that makes you happy or gives you energy to help lift your spirits.  Unfortunately, we always have necessary obligations that might have to be done first.  But, when you get the chance,  do something for you.  Take a walk outside, even if it is only for 10 minutes.  Lie down and listen to some relaxing music, read a book, or watch a funny movie.  One thing I like to do on occasion, is watch funny videos on Facebook, Pinterest, or YouTube.  Find something you enjoy that is either energizing or relaxing and try doing it for a little while.  You will be surprised at how much better it can make you feel when you are down.

In the near future, I hope to write more about the symptoms of depression and different ways you can help keep it under control so you will be able to live your best life.  Please check back soon for more encouragement and advice.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me.  I am always looking forward to hearing from you!  Thank you and God bless!


About Marji Lane

Born, raised, and lived my whole life in Kansas, I am a full time teacher, wife, and mother. I suffer from anxiety and depression and have to work everyday to keep my mental illness under control. I love God, my family, KU basketball, KC Royals baseball, crafting!